MARNIE Archives January 2016

This page holds archived editions of the MARNIE newspaper which is published every Monday. The Archive contains at least four-week-old issues, and links are clickable despite what the Editor's Notes of the paper editions say. In order to keep the reading content manageable, each month will have its own page.

Midgard's Alpha Realm News
International Edition
January 4th, 2016

Editor's Note:
Pictures can be viewed at https://dev-urandom.eu/_media/books:newspaper_pictures:???.png when exchanging '???' with the photo number given in the articles. Other links lead to this server's wiki.



In Worldwide News:
'Blink And You Miss It' War, page 32

In Regional News:
Cobble Cleanup, page 40

In Local News:
Proper Stables, page 45

Worldwide News

Brazen Theft
(hf) Last Tuesday, Grand Duke Tomoko of the Grand Duchy of Hohenfels noticed great amounts of emeralds stolen from one of his treasuries, as well as forty item frames. A quick investigation discovered Resident GnFur ofthe Tsardom of Solntze-Grad as the culprit.
Moderator Koduck came to join the investigation and noticed the chest in question was a donation chest, concluding Resident GnFur had abused a bug that was thought to have been fixed a month ago. Moderator GlitchyBat assisted with a background check and discovered when the thief had stowed the item frames in question, providing further proof.
The stolen frames and emeralds were returned and Resident GnFur received a two-week prison sentence in absentia.
However, the next evening his leader Master Paladin Massolit of the Tsardom of Solntze-Grad passionately defended his “comrade” despite the proofs cited by the moderators, and Moderator Koduck agreed to at least afford Resident GnFur a shot at defending himself. He was called to a confidential interview and his sentence subsequently lifted on Wednesday evening.

Siverny Progress
(si) During the past week, King Sidmarcus01 of Siverny proudly announced and presented the progress on his island Siverny, physically as well thematically. He “finally found a neat idea for Siverny urbanism,” the King explained, which is “called triple radiocentric urbanism,” meaning the settlement “has three central points.”
While he stated disinterest in interior design of prior buildings, recently a city council was newly built west of Siverny-le-Château.

Overworld Railways
(cw/sg) With the approval of Kaiser Shakomatic of the Holy Danikan Commonwealth, Resident Cyka connected Nova Bydlograd with New Spawn by underground overworld rail at the end of the year. Master Paladin Massolit of the Tsardom of Solntze-Grad added a station for his capital since the line runs right beneath, but the access on the New Spawn end was rather hard to find.
As other railways might be added from various directions, Moderator Koduck decided to preemptively create a metro station at New Spawn where the lines' end points could be gathered. Last Sunday, he requested aesthetic advice from King Niller of Winterlyn, admitting, “I don't really know how to design the exterior and what to put there. I don't really like it.” However, King Niller was unable to join yet, and the design of the outer facade remains open to suggestions for now.

New Year's Party
(ns) On the eve of December 30th, Representative GlitchyBat of the Republic of Ender went to set up some “New Year's machinery” on the New Spawn plaza, which “got light shows and everything.” For the public occasion, Moderator Koduck confirmed other residents' opinion that moderator supplies could be used for the structure and fireworks, and Representative GlitchyBat noted the remains should be destroyed afterwards.
For the actual redstone circuits, he requested the help of Speaker BearMonger, who immediately added a few more ideas like for example a countdown display, which Representative GlitchyBat agreed to. Photo 020 shows the results of the two Enderians' efforts.
Resident TheNerd96 contributed by designing a music machine beneath the plaza but deemed the result as “the most annoying thing I could have made.” For security reasons, High Commissioner Austrobernd of the Mandatory of New Badfacia sent some Commonwealth police forces to the party area, which can be admired on photo 021.
Unfortunately, the Midgard press could not attend the party itself, which was held only once at midnight server time. Little was heard about it afterwards either, although a handful of residents apparently decided to move the party to Moderator Koduck's Funpark in Oceania. On New Year's Day, every couple of hours residents gathered on New Spawn for a little partying to the plaza music on their own, as for example shown on photo 022.

New Term Coined
(ar) Last week, Moderator Koduck introduced a new term he recently invented apparently from sheer exasperation. “I have a new term for Russians who demand 'proofs' because they 'dindu nuffin': proofs dindu.”
Upon indignation regarding the 'innocent until proven guilty'-concept, Moderator Koduck further explained, “If you claim innocence when guilt already was proven or someone was caught red-handed, THEN you are a dindu - definitely.”

Public Slaying of NaziMike
(ns) Possibly being annoyed beyond patience for getting slapped repeatedly, High Commissioner Austrobernd of the Mandatory of New Badfacia quite without warning took permanent action against Resident MikeMallorca last Wednesday evening. He slew him with a stone sword appropriately named 'Mike removal tool'.
Rather than surprise or outrage, the action caused amusement and satisfaction among spectators, and when Resident MikeMallorca returned, he was slain once more, this time with an iron sword, and subsequently also by Residents Erinius and Mimokrokodil. Resident MikeMallorca managed to take down Resident Erinius once when the latter was distracted, but all in all the first victim experienced twelve piercing deaths.
For unknown reasons, Resident Mimokrokodil then turned on H.C. Austrobernd and shot him three times with his bow. Meanwhile, Moderator GlitchyBat arrested Resident MikeMallorca for ten minutes for 'slapping random people at Spawn during fun'.
Once he returned, Resident MikeMallorca continued his actions, causing further fatalities, and was arrested for twenty minutes that time.

Gospel Reception
(ua) A book recently recovered from the Library of Al-Iskandariya and titled The Gospel written by Prime Minister Salah of Umm Al Asufli seems to be more widely accepted than expected.
The book was offered in a free chest at New Spawn last week and quickly distributed among players. However, none commented on the contents. At least one moderator either did not like them or wished to anger Speaker BearMonger of the Republic of Ender (or both), as the latter discovered the book secretly snuck into his backpack when he wasn't looking.
The story, described as “grecoesque mythology” by the author, at least warranted a cursory glance by Speaker BearMonger before he observed the most obvious contradictions and declared, “I don't want to read your bible.” If anyone did read the mythic gospel, they have yet to openly state their opinions.

'Blink And You Miss It' War
(bf/lc) In the earliest hours of Sunday, High Commissioner Austrobernd of the Mandatory of New Badfacia surprised King Darynu of the Kingdom of Lanno-Condeura with a declaration of war not fifteen minutes after confirming that Lanno-Condeura was “still a nation”. When asked for the reason, he replied, “'cause Lebensraum” and “YOLO”. With thanks, he rejected the offered support from the Apostolic Kingdom of Breshik and called for his “digslave” Resident Go_ogin, a veteran who had already fought in two wars for the Commonwealth. King Darynu called upon Residents Kitty4fun and MaxLedeba for support.
The details of the battles could not be discerned from the talk in the ether, but on the page https://dev-urandom.eu/battles:battle_of_badfacian_aggression in the Autism Almanac the victor provided a detailed account after the fact. The matters at stake were simple: “If I win, you will admit that Badface is better,” H.C. Austrobernd demanded, and win he did. At that time, he even amended his demand to, “The last point is, that you openly admit your defeat, and admit that Condeura is weaker (in its current state) that Badface.”
It still clearly pained King Darynu who answered, “Condeura is not weak. Condeura is never weak. I will admit defeat, but we are strong in unity and in heart. However our military is severely lacking, I will say that.”
In honor of his brave enemy's dignity, H.C. Austrobernd agreed to include a clause noting precisely that in the peace treaty which can be viewed at the page https://dev-urandom.eu/treaties:badface-condeura. He asked for a place to build an embassy in the capital but was given the bureaucratic if apologetic runaround.
H.C. Austrobernd himself now proudly leads the autism list of confirmed kills with over two hundred deaths caused and a gap of over one hundred to the Enderian runner-up.

Regional News

Cobble Cleanup
(mm/bs) After a nether access to Jailtown, a small abandoned village in the northeast of Snowbelt Continent where residents are imprisoned in a tower, was connected to the NEAR Transports line to Blahsper Community on December 31st, a demolition crew was sent out to clean up the one-block cobblestone railway suspended over the ocean that previously connected the two settlements.
The tracks were created by the residents of Blahsper Community despite great disapproval it received from various neighbors at the time. They did so with the stated purpose of wanting to visit and explore, and have not been active again since.
Now that their settlement is unobtrusively connected not only to Jailville but many other areas as well via the nether, the suspended eyesore was deemed unnecessary.
Unfortunately, most materials were lost to the sea during the demolition. What little could be saved on earthy terrain was decided to be kept by Midgard Municipality, as compensation for services rendered.

Local News

Proper Stables
(mm) During the past week, Architect Mel was given the green light to implement the more secure stables layout he had designed a months ago. To date, nineteen individual stalls were built with glass walls in order to prevent wall suffocation, one of the most common natural deaths on our island. A breeding area was included, and another stable for mules and donkeys will be added next week. Currently, Architect Mel is researching several training course designs, as the horse owners have frequently requested a method to ascertain their steed's specialties and weaknesses. According to him, one of the most promising design is the ranch High Commissioner Austrobernd of the Mandatory of New Badfacia introduced him to in Badforest last summer.

Midgard's Alpha Realm News
International Edition
January 11th, 2016

Editor's Note:
Pictures can be viewed at https://dev-urandom.eu/_media/books:newspaper_pictures:???.png when exchanging '???' with the photo number given in the articles. Other links lead to this server's wiki.

In Worldwide News:
Artifact War, page 18

In Regional News:
Holiday Progress, page 41

In Local News:
Area Cleanup, page 44

Worldwide News

End of Badface
(bf) Barely a week after renaming itself to 'Confederation' and annexing the United Duchy of the Two Sorras, Badface once more returns to the state of Mandate, this time controlled by the Reichsrat of the Holy Danikan Commonwealth, when High Commissioner Austrobernd announced his decision to resign his position for personal reasons on January 7th. Neither action had true political impact on the once more abandoned Two Sorras.

Winterlyn With I
(wl) Last week, King Niller of Winterlyn started to demonstrate some national pride by finding and fixing misspellings of his kingdom's name in the Autism Almanac. He focused mainly on pages connected to the Commonwealth at first and has a long way to go. Mindful readers who mention Winterlyn on their pages are asked to check and proof the spelling themselves. “It's called Winterlyn with an 'i' and not a 'y' - everything else is racist,” the King asserted yesterday.

Action Against Terror
(er) Last Wednesday, President Hinoarashi of the Republic of Ender proposed in the Enderian Congress 'a bill funding and authorizing the use of force and cooperation with the Eastern Commonwealth in order to combat terrorist organizations.' It cites committing 'such atrocities as shitbuilding at Spawn and randomly attacking innocent civilians at Spawn' as examples and names as a primary target a terror group called 'Imperial Alpharealms', a.k.a. 'REICH'.

Cruxverusism
(sg) Last Wednesday, the leadership of Sacred Solntze-Grad decided to expound on their chosen religion called Cruxverusism in some detail. The essay can be studied on the page https://dev-urandom.eu/religion:cruxverusism. Despite a claim of long tradition, this page is the first ever mention of it in the Autism Almanac. Sacred Solntze-Grad's military forces, the Cruxritters, are directly governed by religious leaders.

Nautic Syndicate
(na) Having freed himself from political responsibilities, former High Commissioner Austrobernd of the Mandatory of New Badfacia founded a political faction named 'Syndicate of the High Sea Bastion of Nautica' or short, the Nautic Syndicate, last Thursday. It is located on the ocean monument which was remodeled into a guardian farm by Austrobernd, who will preside over the Syndicate as Grand Admiral henceforth. As, according to its entry in the Autism Almanac, a whole settlement is planned to come to life there, formerly mentioned considerations about providing public access to the guardian farm beneath are currently in doubt. Depending on the Syndicate's grasp on business, they might possibly grant usage rights for a price. A promising hint in that direction is the Mercenary Guild of Nautica which was established the same day. More about the group can be read on their page https://dev-urandom.eu/orders_and_guilds:guilds:nautic_guild.

Debt Crisis Essay
(cw/ek) The reason for hidden animosity smoldering for months between Creator Tangaloa of Elkkuton and representatives of the Holy Danikan Commonwealth was brought to light on January 6th. For anyone interested in history or even just a well-formulated account of said history, MARNIE journalists recommend the essay on page https://dev-urandom.eu/battles:commonwealth_debt_crisis, penned by Creator Tangaloa himself.

Artifact War
(cw/sg) On January 7th, King Niller of Winterlyn acted upon rumors evidently spread by Grand Admiral Austrobernd of the Nautic Syndicate and declared war on the neighboring nation Sacred Solntze-Grad.
The bone of contention was the so-called 'Holy Chestpiece of Danika', the existence, origins and history of which could not be verified due to the absence of prior mentions in the Autism Almanac. According to the rumor, the piece of armor originating (by name) from within the current Holy Danikan Commonwealth was harbored in Sacred Solntze-Grad's capital SG1.
In the declaration of war, King Niller gave the ultimatum to 'hand over the holy artifact (The Holy Chestpiece of Danika) or face an invasion force with the sole purpose of retrieving said artifact.'
Clearly itching to put the training of their new-formed military forces to work, Master Paladin Massolit of Sacred Solntze-Grad accepted the war state. The battle was held two days later. Despite the stated intention of invading Sacred Solntze-Grad for the artifact, Vejlandene on the opposite side of Winterlyn was chosen as the actual battleground. Why and how a military force that is supposed to defend an artifact hidden in their capital would take it that far into enemy territory and be allowed to build a fort there as a base … remains open to residents' speculations.
According to Almanac records, 'the Mercenaries of the Nautic Syndicate under [G.A. Austrobernd] reverse engineered the Enderian UFO, which crashed into the Vargisk river two months ago, and drove it above the Winterlyn Fortress with a division of Nautic paratroopers' as passengers. On the opposing side, Master Paladin Massolit of Sacred Solntze-Grad honored his once-leader Tomoko by creating a similar craft designed after the Excani station Areios. Photo 023 shows the restored remains of both crafts and forts after the battle.
On the page https://dev-urandom.eu/battles:holy_winterlynian-solntzegradian_war in the Autism Almanac, details about the battle can be read. Most of the report was written by the clear victors of the Holy Danikan Commonwealth, but spectator comments were included, providing a balanced account of events which were concluded by handing over the sought-after chestpiece to King Niller.
Just hours later, apparently having specialists test its authenticity, King Niller declared the cuirass a fake. “This is an insult against the ENTIRE Commonwealth!” he yelled in outrage. “This is a DISGRACE. We must rally our forces once more!” This was met with a level-headed “I ain't gonna support you” from G.A. Austrobernd. When his annoyance was met with indifference on M.P. Massolit's side, the King tried to bribe his enemy into handing over “the real one”. After he calmed his temper, he confirmed that M.P. Massolit was still allowed to use his fort and even build a small settlement around it.
Summarizing that outcome, while officially the Holy Danikan Commonwealth won the battle, in reality Sacred Solntze-Grad gained a foothold in another nation's territory.

Northern Sitzfleisch
(fl) Long lost survivors from Newfoundland found their way to Alpha Realm after five years of searching. Residents Wolleman and FeuerFischer (a.k.a. chucky280) hail from Me Gustown and have decided to “just take it slow this time.”
They made their way to the quiet northern rim of our world and started a cozy settlement there. One of the first structures they completed, though, was actually a fifth XP-farm in the End which they finished around Christmas time last year. It is a far walk to go but open to the public, located to the southwest of the End Island.
Their overworld settlement was suitably named Sitzfleisch, “the greatest German noun we could come up with.”

Islands Lost
(sc) Upon a tour request by a reporter last Tuesday, Resident Dora revealed that he had left the flying Chicken Islands “about a month ago” to pursue a village project on firmer ground. He does not wish his current whereabouts published just yet, but since Slavia Confederation lost its last inhabitant with him, the journalist felt that his contributions to the flying island deserve to be commemorated. Photo 024 shows a collage of the most spectacular views.

The Autism Project
(ar) Resident Xcont finished the huge project that landed him with currently 2.5 million blocks changed in the past two months on place one of the Autism List. The tower that serves no purpose and looks like a map glitch at first glance can be viewed at the coordinates https://map.dev-urandom.eu/#/-2920/64/-2750/-3/0/0. When asked, he spontaneously called it “the Big Shit Tower” and did not seem inclined to think about it any further. The tower's completely hollow inside will remain empty and dark. It has a diameter of about 125 blocks, reaches from bedrock level all the way up to the highest altitude of Y256, and is built entirely with stone bricks.

Deco Clock
(ar) At the coordinates https://map.dev-urandom.eu/#/-2940/64/5500/-1/0/0 of Alpha Realm, Resident Wolleman of Sitzfleisch built the template for a clock that is free to use for other residents. It covers a quarter clock face and requires four maps to be rendered after placing the hands. Those maps can be placed in frames and rotated as to display various times as demonstrated on photo 025. The static map clock serves decorative purposes only.

Regional News

Holiday Progress
(pg) Last Wednesday, Resident Spon2007 from the settlement near Phiagrica talked to a reporter about his usual weekend progress. He noted that during the holidays, he'd had more time and used it to create a humble bridge leading to the Breshikan oblast Drenesk over the nearby lake. What started out as a one-block supported railway bridge has since been widened to allow for safe cart exits and equine or group crossings. He also established a nether portal in his settlement after finishing the central farm house. His settlement has not yet been named.

Local News

Area Cleanup
(mm/ar) During explorations, some Midgardian literally ran into dirt/ wood/ cobblestone pillars strewn about the forest between Second Spawn and the Slavia Confederation. Since the area was otherwise unused, those marks of pre-civilization were removed and the area restored to its natural beauty. Left was only one wanderer's knapsack which to relocate to the resident's new home moderators did not feel was their responsibility. Around it were placed signs informing potential new settlers how to go about removing it, if so wished.



Newer issues are not yet archived but can still be bought at the New Spawn Book Store.